Saturday, October 21, 2006
Look at this:
It's been a while since I last sat down here. Its been too long since I last saw the blue sky hold host to the dancing clouds. The soft crisp ocean wind blew through my hair and soothed my anxieties, my anxieties where my faith grew faint. I gazed at the long smooth carpet laid before the waters, the shore were amazing as they glistened along with the blue body. I closed my eyes and listened to the waves crash on the rocky cliffs that hung over me. I dug my feet into the warm sand and breathed in the salty taste of the sea. I have forgotten how this all felt.
They called my name again, pulling me back to reality. I didn't listen. I didn't want to. Why should I? If I come back there, it will be the ruin of me, so I disappeared. I let the dropping water from the cave walls drown out the sound of the material world. I disappeared. I let my ears be deafened by the sound of the breaking waves of the ocean as they hit the entrance of where I was. I disappeared. I felt the sand underneath my feet as they pull me closer to the sea. I disappeared. I let the water come over me as I close my eyes in a surrender. I disappeared. I let the sea pull me into its warm embrace. I disappeared. I floated down into the welcoming sea bed as it blanketed me in with its wild currents. I disappeared. I breathed in the water. I disppeared.
I know, most of you grew confused with what I wrote down here. Its not the exact same thing, but I wrote something down during INTFILO yesterday and this is a replica of it.
That's how I feel right now. I just want to lay down somewhere where its quiet and the bother of worldy things won't get in my way. I want to lay down and think about what I should do about my life. There are so many things that I did wrong, so many things I did right, but I still don't know which is really which.
I've made a mistake about something and I want to fix it, but was it really a mistake? To say how I felt? Maybe it was... HAha, I'm laughing at myself right now. I find it funny that I did something so unplanned. Something where there is no hope for redemption or to save my face. I guess that's it. What I tell people finally caught up with me. 'Do things with no restrictions. Look onto no future. Live for today.' Haha, well I did it and I guess am regretting it now, but I shouldn't be. I have to look on on ahead for what I did.
Its 3:18 pm and still no message. I guess there's my answer. I deserve. He was caught off-guard.
"I didn't do it to hurt you, not on purpose. I was pretending to be anythin nor was I pretending to anything. I was genuine. I hope you get better."
Kim zzz...2:31 PM
slip into the night...
He Says, She Says
Lights will guide me home... I'm alright... I'll fix you...